Well: Meatless Main Dishes for a Holiday Table

Most vegetarian diners are happy to fill their plates with delicious sides and salads, but if you want to make them feel special, consider one of these main course vegetarian dishes from Martha Rose Shulman. All of them are inspired by Greek cooking, which has a rich tradition of vegetarian meals.

I know that Greek food is not exactly what comes to mind when you hear the word “Thanksgiving,” yet why not consider this cuisine if you’re searching for a meatless main dish that will please a crowd? It’s certainly a better idea, in my mind, than Tofurky and all of the other overprocessed attempts at making a vegan turkey. If you want to serve something that will be somewhat reminiscent of a turkey, make the stuffed acorn squashes in this week’s selection, and once they’re out of the oven, stick some feathers in the “rump,” as I did for the first vegetarian Thanksgiving I ever cooked: I stuffed and baked a huge crookneck squash, then decorated it with turkey feathers. The filling wasn’t nearly as good as the one you’ll get this week, but the creation was fun.

Here are five new vegetarian recipes for your Thanksgiving table — or any time.

Giant Beans With Spinach, Tomatoes and Feta: This delicious, dill-infused dish is inspired by a northern Greek recipe from Diane Kochilas’s wonderful new cookbook, “The Country Cooking of Greece.”


Northern Greek Mushroom and Onion Pie: Meaty portobello mushrooms make this a very substantial dish.


Roasted Eggplant and Chickpeas With Cinnamon-Tinged Tomato Sauce and Feta: This fragrant and comforting dish can easily be modified for vegans.


Coiled Greek Winter Squash Pie: The extra time this beautiful vegetable pie takes to assemble is worth it for a holiday dinner.


Baked Acorn Squash Stuffed With Wild Rice and Kale Risotto: Serve one squash to each person at your Thanksgiving meal: They’ll be like miniature vegetarian (or vegan) turkeys.


Read More..

Black Friday: A survival guide



Shopping












The plan | The numbers | The gear | The strategy | The apps | The start






Black Friday, the most buzzed-about shopping day of the year, is starting even earlier this holiday season as retailers try to get a jump on the competition.

The official kickoff to the Christmas shopping rush, the day after Thanksgiving brings out millions of bargain hunters looking to score new tablets, flat-panel TVs, clothes and toys. Last year retailers raked in an estimated $11.4 billion on Black Friday, up 6.6% from 2010.

This year, major retailers including Wal-Mart and Toys R Us are opening their doors as early as 8 p.m. on Thanksgiving Day. That’s too bad for store employees, but good news if you’re a shopaholic who doesn’t mind hitting the shops before the turkey has cooled.

For those of you who are planning to brave the crowds, whether you’re a first-timer or a seasoned veteran, here’s a guide to surviving the Black Friday rush.


-- Andrea Chang



























Photo credit: Francine Orr / Los Angeles Times










Photo credit: Mark Boster / Los Angeles Times










Photo credit: Mark Boster / Los Angeles Times










Photo credit: Brian van der Brug / Los Angeles Times










Photo credit: Seong Joon Cho / Bloomberg










Photo credit: Associated Press






Read More..

UCLA's Shabazz Muhammad cleared by NCAA, eligible to compete now









UCLA freshman Shabazz Muhammad is eligible to play for the Bruins men's basketball immediately, the NCAA announced Friday when it reinstated him after hearing an appeal from the university.

Muhammad, a 6-foot-6 swingman listed by many as the nation’s top high school recruit last year, will travel with UCLA to New York on Saturday for its games in the Legends Classic tournament, and he's expected to make his college debut Monday when the No. 13 Bruins (3-0) play Georgetown (2-0).

“I am excited to be able to play for UCLA starting next Monday," Muhammad said in a statement.

"My family and friends were very supportive of me throughout this process and I couldn’t have gone through this without them.”

The 5 p.m. PST game will be held at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn and will be televised on ESPN2. 

"Look out New York City," said Bill Trosch, the attorney for the Muhammad family.

The Las Vegas native has yet to play for the Bruins this season after the NCAA declared him ineligible on Nov. 9 for violating its amateurism rules following an investigation that spanned more than a year.

“I am relieved that this long, arduous process has come to an end," UCLA Coach Ben Howland said in a statment. "So many people worked very hard on this case and I am eternally grateful to them as well as the Bruin family, who stood by us throughout. I am pleased that Shabazz will be able to begin his collegiate career.” 

Said Trosch: "There were many times during the investigation that my faith in the NCAA wavered. I understand the NCAA’s ruling, and am grateful that they have done the right thing, allowing Shabazz back on the court."

In its Nov. 9 ruling, the NCAA said that in addition to other "pending issues," Muhammad accepted airfare and lodging for three unofficial recruiting visits. The visits, to Duke and North Carolina, were paid for by financial advisor Benjamin Lincoln.

The Muhammad family has said Lincoln is a longtime family friend whose assistance should be allowed under NCAA rules.

The school and NCAA enforcement agreed on the facts of the case, and therefore it was determined by the NCAA that Muhammad couldn’t play in UCLA's season opener against Indiana State, said a person with knowledge of the situation who is not allowed to speak publicly about it.

But UCLA disagreed that a violation occurred and formally appealed the NCAA’s decision earlier this week.

The NCAA appeals committee had a hearing Friday with UCLA and, after several hours, a decision was rendered. 

In a statement, the NCAA said that UCLA acknowledged amateurism violations occurred and asked the NCAA on Friday to reinstate Muhammad with conditions.

The school required Muhammad to sit 10% of the season (three games) and to repay about $1,600 in impermissible benefits, the approximate cost of the three unofficial trips paid for by Lincoln.

But because Muhammad has already sat out three games, he has served his suspension and is eligible to compete immediately.

"I’m delighted that Shabazz can join the team on Monday and hopefully will have a successful season with UCLA," said Robert Orr, Muhammad's attorney. "I’m appreciative of the tenacious effort by the UCLA administration to try and help Shabazz in this. They’re to be commended for all they’ve done."

UCLA Athletic Director Dan Guerrero said the Bruins family is "extremely grateful" the matter is over.

"This entire process has been challenging on many fronts, but we believe strongly in the principles of fairness, integrity and due process," he said in a statement.

"We are satisfied with the outcome and pleased that Shabazz will be able to join his teammates on the floor, representing UCLA in Brooklyn on Monday night.” 

ALSO:

Donovan, Galaxy banged up heading into playoff game

Melky Cabrera reportedly agrees to deal with Blue Jays

Mike Trout robbed? No, Miguel Cabrera deserved MVP award



Read More..

Pittsburgh airport to offer free ‘cell phone’ lot
















IMPERIAL, Pa. (AP) — Pittsburgh International Airport is offering free parking for folks who want to sit in their cars and wait for arriving passengers to call on cell phones to say they’ve arrived.


Allegheny County Airport Authority officials are hoping the plan will prevent motorists from congesting the curb near the airport’s terminal or the access roads around it by driving around in circles waiting for cell phone calls from arrivals.













Drivers can now park free for an hour in the extended term lot farthest from the terminal, and pay only $ 1 for a second hour of parking. After two hours, the spots will cost $ 8.


Gadgets News Headlines – Yahoo! News



Read More..

Pitbull, Ke$ha rehearse for American Music Awards

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Pitbull dressed up and Ke$ha went casual for American Music Awards rehearsals.

The entertainers popped by the Nokia Theatre Friday to practice the performances they've planned for Sunday's show.

Ke$ha was surrounded by male dancers as she bounced around the stage in sneakers, striped leggings and a torn black T-shirt. She played a giant golden drum, was carried aloft by her dancers and closed the rendition of her new hit "Die Young" by writhing on stage as fireworks rained down overhead.

Pitbull, fresh off his performance at Thursday's Latin Grammy Awards, arrived wearing crisp white pants, a red polo shirt and a tan blazer. After joking with his band in Spanish, he ditched the blazer and added shades to rehearse "Don't Stop the Party," for which he shares the stage with two drummers, two keyboardists, two ballerinas and a DJ.

Justin Bieber, Kelly Clarkson, Usher, Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, No Doubt, Christina Aguilera and Nicki Minaj are also set to perform during the three-hour ceremony, which will be broadcast live Sunday on ABC.

Stevie Wonder and Ryan Seacrest will also honor the late Dick Clark, who created the American Music Awards, at the 40th anniversary show.

___

AP Entertainment Writer Sandy Cohen will be tweeting from the American Music Awards. Follow her at www.twitter.com/APSandy .

___

Online:

http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/american-music-awards

Read More..

Personal Health: Quitting Smoking for Good

Few smokers would claim that it’s easy to quit. The addiction to nicotine is strong and repeatedly reinforced by circumstances that prompt smokers to light up.

Yet the millions who have successfully quit are proof that a smoke-free life is achievable, even by those who have been regular, even heavy, smokers for decades.

Today, 19 percent of American adults smoke, down from more than 42 percent half a century ago, when Luther Terry, the United States surgeon general, formed a committee to produce the first official report on the health effects of smoking. Ever-increasing restrictions on where people can smoke have helped to swell the ranks of former smokers.

Now, however, as we approach the American Cancer Society’s 37th Great American Smokeout on Thursday, the decline in adult smoking has stalled despite the economic downturn and the soaring price of cigarettes.

Currently, 45 million Americans are regular smokers who, if they remain smokers, can on average expect to live 10 fewer years. Half will die of a tobacco-related disease, and many others will suffer for years with smoking-caused illness. Smoking adds $96 billion to the annual cost of medical care in this country, Dr. Nancy A. Rigotti wrote in The Journal of the American Medical Association last month. Even as some adult smokers quit, their ranks are being swelled by the 800,000 teenagers who become regular smokers each year and by young adults who, through advertising and giveaways, are now the prime targets of the tobacco industry.

People ages 18 to 25 now have the nation’s highest smoking rate: about 34 percent counted in the National Survey on Drug Use and Health in 2010 reported smoking cigarettes in the previous month. I had to hold my breath the other day as dozens of 20-somethings streamed out of art gallery openings and lighted up. Do they not know how easy it is to get hooked on nicotine and how challenging it can be to escape this addiction?

Challenging, yes, but by no means impossible. On the Web you can download a “Guide to Quitting Smoking,” with detailed descriptions of all the tools and tips to help you become an ex-smoker once and for all.

Or consult the new book by Dr. Richard Brunswick, a retired family physician in Northampton, Mass., who says he’s helped hundreds of people escape the clutches of nicotine and smoking. (The printable parts of the book’s provocative title are “Can’t Quit? You Can Stop Smoking.”)

“There is no magic pill or formula for beating back nicotine addiction,” Dr. Brunswick said. “However, with a better understanding of why you smoke and the different tools you can use to control the urge to light up, you can stop being a slave to your cigarettes.”

Addiction and Withdrawal

Nicotine beats a direct path to the brain, where it provides both relaxation and a small energy boost. But few smokers realize that the stress and lethargy they are trying to relieve are a result of nicotine withdrawal, not some underlying distress. Break the addiction, and the ill feelings are likely to dissipate.

Physical withdrawal from nicotine is short-lived. Four days without it and the worst is over, with remaining symptoms gone within a month, Dr. Brunswick said. But emotional and circumstantial tugs to smoke can last much longer.

Depending on when and why you smoke, cues can include needing a break from work, having to focus on a challenging task, drinking coffee or alcohol, being with other people who smoke or in places you associate with smoking, finishing a meal or sexual activity, and feeling depressed or upset.

To break such links, you must first identify them and then replace them with other activities, like taking a walk, chewing sugar-free gum or taking deep breaths. These can help you control cravings until the urge passes.

If you’ve failed at quitting before, try to identify what went wrong and do things differently this time, Dr. Brunswick suggests. Most smokers need several attempts before they can become permanent ex-smokers.

Perhaps most important is to be sure you are serious about quitting; if not, wait until you are. Motivation is half the battle. Also, should you slip and have a cigarette after days or weeks of not smoking, don’t assume you’ve failed and give up. Just go right back to not smoking.

Aids for Quitting

Many if not most smokers need two kinds of assistance to become lasting ex-smokers: psychological support and medicinal aids. Only about 4 percent to 7 percent of people are able to quit smoking on any given attempt without help, the cancer society says.

All 50 states and the District of Columbia have free telephone-based support programs that connect would-be quitters to trained counselors. Together, you can plan a stop-smoking method that suits your smoking pattern and helps you avoid common pitfalls.

Online support groups and Nicotine Anonymous can help as well. To find a group, ask a local hospital or call the cancer society at (800) 227-2345. Consider telling relatives and friends about your intention to quit, and plan to spend time in smoke-free settings.

More than a dozen treatments can help you break the physical addiction to tobacco. Most popular is nicotine replacement therapy, sold both with and without a prescription. The Food and Drug Administration has approved five types: nicotine patches of varying strengths, gums, sprays, inhalers and lozenges that can curb withdrawal symptoms and help you gradually reduce your dependence on nicotine.

Two prescription drugs are also effective: an extended-release form of the antidepressant bupropion (Zyban or Wellbutrin), which reduces nicotine cravings, and varenicline (Chantix), which blocks nicotine receptors in the brain, reducing both the pleasurable effects of smoking and the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal. Combining a nicotine replacement with one of these drugs is often more effective than either approach alone.

Other suggested techniques, like hypnosis and acupuncture, have helped some people quit but lack strong proof of their effectiveness. Tobacco lozenges and pouches and nicotine lollipops and lip balms lack evidence as quitting aids, and no clinical trials have been published showing that electronic cigarettes can help people quit.

The cancer society suggests picking a “quit day”; ridding your home, car and workplace of smoking paraphernalia; choosing a stop-smoking plan, and stocking up on whatever aids you may need.

On the chosen day, keep active; drink lots of water and juices; use a nicotine replacement; change your routine if possible; and avoid alcohol, situations you associate with smoking and people who are smoking.


This post has been revised to reflect the following correction:

Correction: November 16, 2012

An earlier version of this column stated imprecisely the rate of smoking among young adults. According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, in 2010 about 34 percent of people ages 18 to 25 smoked cigarettes in the month before the survey -- not daily. (About 16 percent of them reported smoking daily, according to the survey.)

This post has been revised to reflect the following correction:

Correction: November 14, 2012

An earlier version of this column misstated the rate of smoking among young adults. According to the National Survey on Drug Use and Health, in 2010 about 34 percent of people ages 18 to 25 smoked cigarettes, not 40 percent. (That is the share of young adults who use tobacco products of any kind, according to the survey.)

Read More..

U.S. pension insurer runs record $34-billion deficit









The federal agency that insures pensions for more than 40 million Americans last year ran the widest deficit in its 38-year history.

The Pension Benefit Guaranty Corp. said Friday that its deficit grew to $34 billion for the budget year that ended Sept. 30. That compares with a $26 billion shortfall in the previous year.

Pension obligations grew by $12 billion to $119 billion last year. Assets used to cover those obligations increased by only $4 billion to $85 billion.








The agency has now run deficits for 10 straight years. The gap has grown wider in recent years because the weak economy has triggered more corporate bankruptcies and failed pension plans.

If the trend continues, the agency could struggle to pay benefits without an infusion of taxpayer funds.

Agency Director Josh Gotbaum said continued deficits "will ultimately threaten" the PBGC's ability to pay pension benefits to retired workers.

"There's no imminent threat that we're going to stop cutting checks," Gotbaum said during a conference call with reporters. However, he said, Congress must act "long before 10 years from now" to increase the insurance premiums that companies pay to the agency.

The Obama administration has proposed raising the premiums and tailoring them to the size of companies and their level of financial risk. Under the plan, bigger companies and those at greater risk of failing would pay larger premiums. The fees haven't been raised in six years.

Companies whose pension plans failed in the latest year, with the agency taking them over, included Friendly Ice Cream Corp., law firm Dewey & LeBoeuf and Olan Mills. Inc.

The PBGC joined with unions at American Airlines earlier this year to oppose the company's plan to terminate its pension plans. The move would have dumped billions of dollars of new obligations on the agency. American ended up freezing pensions for most workers instead of terminating them.

The American Benefits Council, which represents businesses, called the $34 billion deficit figure misleading and said it was based on faulty math.

"The public should not be led to believe the PBGC is in danger of a bailout, and Congress and the Obama administration should not use this number as a pretext to raise (insurance) premiums," the group said in a statement. The group has been critical of the PBGC.

The PBGC was created in 1974 as a government insurance program for traditional employer-paid pension plans. If an employer can no longer support its pension plan, the agency takes over the assets and liabilities, and pays promised benefits to retirees up to certain limits.

The agency backs defined-benefit plans, which are most prevalent in auto manufacturing, steel, airlines and other industries.

The number of companies offering traditional pension plans has shrunk dramatically in recent decades. U.S. employees increasingly have turned to defined-contribution plans such as 401(k)s to fund their retirement.

The PBGC has been in the red for 31 of its 38 years of operation. It did have surpluses in some years in the late 1990s and early 2000s, when fewer companies failed.





Read More..

Investigators find major flaws in L.A. Fire Department data









A long-awaited review of the Los Angeles Fire Department found the agency relied on inaccurate data, which provided the public with an erroneous portrait of the department’s performance that was used to make critical staffing decisions.

“All prior reporting data should not be relied upon until they are properly recalculated and validated,” the task force appointed by Fire Chief Brian Cummings concluded.

While the Fire Department has acknowledged some mistakes in its data, the 32-page report found more widespread problems and delves more deeply into a series of factors that contributed to the faulty figures. Among other things, the experts found systemic flaws in a 30-year-old computerized dispatch network and a lack of adequate training for firefighters assigned to complex data analysis.





INTERACTIVE: Check response times in your L.A. neighborhood


The probe was launched after department officials acknowledged earlier this year that LAFD performance reports released to City Hall leaders and the public made it appear rescuers were getting to emergencies faster than they actually were.

The task force report, scheduled to be discussed Tuesday by the Fire Commission, said the department has corrected the computer-system flaws that led to the inaccurate figures.

“The No. 1 goal was to restore confidence in the Fire Department's statistics in the eyes of the public and city leaders,” said Fire Commissioner Alan Skobin, who helped oversee the report. “We now have the ability to identify and pull out accurate data.”


Still, the report paints a picture of a department woefully behind in using technology to help speed up emergency responses and improve efficiency by analyzing thousands of dispatch records that churn through the department's computer system each day.

The report recommends installing GPS devices on fire units so dispatchers know their location at all times, an upgrade that has been discussed since at least 2009. That could ensure that the closest rescuers are sent to those in need.

The task force also said upgrades or replacement of the aging computer system at the heart of dispatch operations may be needed, as well as hiring professional analysts to scrutinize the data.

Some money has been set aside to help pay for the GPS upgrade and the dispatch system changes. But whether all the changes raised in the report could be funded is unclear, given that the LAFD already is projected to run a $5.2-million deficit in its current budget.

The report’s findings in some ways parallel recent probes by City Controller Wendy Greuel and Jeffrey Godown, an expert brought in by Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa as questions grew about the department’s performance figures.

The task force includes members of the chief’s own staff, as well as experts from USC, the RAND Corp. and the Los Angeles Police Department’s COMPSTAT unit, which is recognized for its crime data analysis.

Indeed, the Fire Department hopes to roll out its own version of the LAPD’s data-reporting system, called FIRESTATLA. It would allow managers, elected officials and the public access to regularly updated reports on detailed response times and other statistics by neighborhood, Skobin said. The new system is estimated to cost up to $500,000, he said.

In March, fire officials acknowledged that they had changed the way in which they evaluated response times without telling the public or city officials. Their method made it appear that crews surpassed national standards more frequently than they actually did.

Those faulty statistics were used by Cummings and other top fire officials to push for a new cost-cutting deployment plan that shut down firetrucks and ambulances at more than one-fifth of the city's 106 firehouses. Cummings initially defended the department’s data when questions arose about its accuracy.

Later, he acknowledged that yet another set of numbers used in reports on the proposed deployment changes were projections, not actual response times. Some council members said they might not have voted for the budget cuts had they been aware that projections were used.

ALSO:

Three convicted in Craigslist ad murder

Sheriff's deputy charged with murder in shooting man

Ice rink opens for holidays at Pershing Square downtown





Read More..

Andre 3000 isn't in a rush to record new album

NEW YORK (AP) — In order to capture his best version of Jimi Hendrix for an upcoming biopic, Andre 3000 said he had to think of him as a regular dude and not a rock star.

"I didn't look at him as an icon because when you're in it, you don't know you're an icon. You don't know you're an icon until another people say you're an icon," the 37-year-old said in an interview Tuesday.

"So I had to take it as a person, you know what I mean? And I just tried to say, 'Well, what would Jimi want people to know that they can't get off of YouTube?' And that's how I approached it," he said.

Hendrix died at age 27 in 1970. He was ranked No. 1 on Rolling Stone magazine's greatest guitarists of all-time list. His band, The Jimi Hendrix Experience, is known for iconic albums such as "Electric Ladyland" and "Are You Experienced."

"All Is by My Side," which focuses on the early days of Hendrix's career, will be released next year. Andre 3000 is excited to see the film, which he's finished shooting in Ireland. He believes the public "will be pleased."

Andre 3000, one-half of OutKast with Big Boi, has been out of the music scene in recent years, although he's been featured on songs by Beyonce, Frank Ocean, Rick Ross, Ke$ha and Young Jeezy.

OutKast's 2006 platinum-selling album, "Idlewild," which accompanied a film of the same name starring the duo, was their last album. Their 11-time platinum "Speakerboxxx/The Love Below" won the 2004 Grammy Award for album of the year.

Big Boi, who released a solo album two years ago to welcoming reviews, will release a new solo disc, "Vicious Lies and Dangerous Rumors," next month.

But Andre 3000 isn't in a rush to record an album.

"Some days I feel like I'll do it, some days I don't. Some days I feel like I don't need to, some days I feel like I want to do it before I die. So, I don't know where to fall. I am just hoping one day I get that inspiration," he said at an event for Gillette's eMO'gency Styler Tour, which supports men's health and prostate cancer programs. The tour kicked off in New York, with stops scheduled in Chicago and Houston.

"It's a feeling for me. Like, I can't just throw out an album to be rapping," he said. "And I don't even know if it will be rap. I don't even know what it will be."

However, he could find the inspiration and complete an album in just a few days: "It could be a rush situation. Like if I feel that feeling and I record an album in three days and I'm like, 'This is what I want to say right now' — that can happen, too."

He also says he's constantly writing songs.

"I write all the time. ... I actually stopped typing it in my phone because like a cloud is basically reading every thought that I have and I don't like that," he said. "So I went back to my paper and started writing."

He's not sure fans want a new OutKast album for the right reasons.

"Man, we've had a great ride. ... Like when we got into it when we were high school kids and we just wanted to do something fun and push it, and if it's not that then why do it?" he said.

"I'm not the type that prescribes to nostalgia, and most people say they want an OutKast album because they used to love it. Y'all don't even know if y'all still love it. You just know you used to love it. But you may not like it now, who knows?"

___

Follow Mesfin Fekadu on Twitter at http://twitter.com/musicmesfin

Read More..

I Was Misinformed: The Time She Tried Viagra





I have noticed, in the bragging-rights department, that “he doesn’t need Viagra” has become the female equivalent of the male “and, I swear, she’s a real blonde.” Personally, I do not care a bit. To me, anything that keeps you happy and in the game is a good thing.




But then, I am proud to say, I was among the early, and from what I gather, rare female users.


It happened when the drug was introduced around 1998. I was 50, but after chemotherapy for breast cancer — and later, advanced ovarian cancer — I was, hormonally speaking, pretty much running on fumes. Whether this had diminished my sex drive I did not yet know. One may have Zorba-esque impulses when a cancer diagnosis first comes in; but a treatment that leaves you bald, moon-faced and exhausted knocks that out of your system pretty fast.


But by 1998, the cancer was gone, my hair was back and I was ready to get back in the game. I was talking to an endocrinologist when I brought up Viagra. This was not to deal with the age-related physical changes I knew it would not address, it was more along the feminist lines of equal pay for equal work: if men have this new sex drug, I want this new sex drug.


“I know it’s supposed to work by increasing blood flow,” I told the doctor, “But if that’s true for men, shouldn’t it be true for women, too?”


“You’re the third woman who asked me that this week,” he said.


He wrote me a prescription. I was not seeing anyone, so I understood that I would have to do both parts myself, but that was fine. I have a low drug threshold and figured it might be best the first time to fly solo. My memory of the directions are hazy: I think there was a warning that one might have a facial flush or headaches or drop dead of a heart attack; that you were to take a pill at least an hour before you planned to get lucky, and, as zero hour approached, you were supposed to help things along by thinking beautiful thoughts, kind of like Peter Pan teaching Wendy and the boys how to fly.


But you know how it is: It’s hard to think beautiful thoughts when you’re wondering, “Is it happening? Do I feel anything? Woof, woof? Hello, sailor? Naaah.”


After about an hour, however, I was aware of a dramatic change. I had developed a red flush on my face; I was a hot tomato, though not the kind I had planned. I had also developed a horrible headache. The sex pill had turned into a bad joke: Not now, honey, I have a headache.


I put a cold cloth on my head and went to sleep. But here’s where it got good: When I slept, I dreamed; one of those extraordinary, sensual, swimming in silk sort of things. I woke up dazed and glowing with just one thought: I gotta get this baby out on the highway and see what it can do.


A few months later I am fixed up with a guy, and after a time he is, under the Seinfeldian definition of human relations (Saturday night date assumed) my official boyfriend. He is middle aged, in good health. How to describe our romantic life with the delicacy a family publication requires? Perhaps a line from “Veronika, der Lenz ist da” (“Veronica, Spring Is Here”), a song popularized by the German group the Comedian Harmonists: “Veronika, der Spargel Wächst” (“Veronica, the asparagus are blooming”). On the other hand, sometimes not. And so, one day, I put it out there in the manner of sport:


“Want to drop some Viagra?” I say.


Here we go again, falling into what I am beginning to think is an inevitable pattern: lying there like a lox, or two loxes, waiting for the train to pull into the station. (Yes, I know it’s a mixed metaphor, but at least I didn’t bring in the asparagus.) So there we are, waiting. And then, suddenly, spring comes to Suffolk County. It’s such a presence. I’m wondering if I should ask it if it hit traffic on the L.I.E. We sit there staring.


My reaction is less impressive. I don’t get a headache this time. And romantically, things are more so, but not so much that I feel compelled to try the little blue pills again.


Onward roll the years. I have a new man in my life, who is 63. He does have health problems, for which his doctor prescribes an E.D. drug. I no longer have any interest in them. My curiosity has been satisfied. Plus I am deeply in love, an aphrodisiac yet to be encapsulated in pharmaceuticals.


We take a vacation in mountain Mexico. We pop into a drugstore to pick up sunscreen and spot the whole gang, Cialis, Viagra, Levitra, on a shelf at the checkout counter. No prescription needed in Mexico, the clerk says. We buy all three drugs and return to the hotel. I try some, he tries some. In retrospect, given the altitude and his health, we are lucky we did not kill him. I came across an old photo the other day. He is on the bed, the drugs in their boxes lined up a in a semi-circle around him. He looks a bit dazed and his nose is red.


Looking at the picture, I wonder if he had a cold.


Then I remember: the flush, the damn flush. If I had kids, I suppose I would have to lie about it.



Read More..